My very first blog post...

So who knows if this whole blog thing will go anywhere. People who know me, know I have A LOT to say, but putting it out there for everyone to read? Not sure how I feel about that just yet. I know a lot of it I'll be ok with, but some of the honesty I've seen in other blogs is not something I am sure I am capable of. I guess only time will tell.

When thinking about creating my own blog, I realize the main reason I want to do so is for and because of my stepsons, Patrick and Austin. There's a really long story attached to that, and I will most definitely write all about it soon enough, but for right now, I just want to talk about why they are my inspiration. It's been three years since these boys have been to my house, thanks to their crazy mother and her wild accusations. There certainly will come a day when Patrick, at the very least (Austin is autistic), will come around and start asking questions. I had written a bunch of letters to him in the past, but they all got lost on the laptop when it fried. Since then, I've not written much because, as sad as it sounds, time has hardened me. I just don't care quite as much as I had. However, I do think this blog and my desire to write it because of them, says something about my true inner feelings. I guess I care more than I let on.

Also, I have my own kids now and I want to A) brag shamelessly about them, B) have stories about them for Patrick to read when he does come around and C) brag shamelessly about them.

Callia, my sweet, sweet Callia, turns 3 in just two days. I can hardly stand it. Where did the time go? What a precious gift she was, my first-born. I'll save my "Ode to Callia" for her birthday on Friday.

Then there's Kiefer. My boy. My little mama's boy. Heh, heh. So different from Callia. She was so happy and easy going as a baby. Not this one. I swear he's not happy unless he's rammed up my butt or snuggled tightly under my t-shirt. Drives me crazy the way he's so needy, but I love him all the same and am totally enjoying his first year of life. (He turns 1 August 1. )

Then...drumroll please...there's Cadence. This little bun in the oven that seems to have a penchant for resting right along my bladder. I've yet to meet this little lady that's been renting my uterus the last nine month, but can someone say, "Eighteen more days!!" That's right, 18 more days, ok, 20 (I guess I should wait until get home) until I can suck back a large and heavy gin and tonic. Don't worry, Corey, my (insert adjective of choice here as for me it really depends on the day and mood I am in) husband, has already been forewarned: he will be taking over all parenting duties.

See, this is what I am uneasy of. I am kidding, sort of, about the drinking. I DO intend to have a few drinks after she comes, but COME ON! It won't be THE DAY we get home. And yet, I feel the need to explain myself lest I be judged and criticized for neglecting my newborn in order to get a MUCH NEEDED buzz. I am not one who likes to get drunk and rarely do I even when I not playing landlady with my body, but man, OH MAN! These kids (Corey included) have been making me crazy these past few months and I am really looking forward to just relaxing with a nice cold one and passing out ON MY STOMACH!

Speaking of Corey. What a man. Lord only knows how much I love him. I say that because I don't even think he knows. I mean, I know he knows I love him, but sometimes he wonders how much and if I still love him as I did when we first fell in love eight years ago. "You used to be all about me," he said a few weeks ago. Yeah, well, life used to only BE all about you. Marriage, money, careers, children, crazy ex-wives, they all play a part here and while I might not show it like I used to, I still love him all with all my heart. More now than ever. It doesn't help that I am NINE-MONTHS-PREGNANT and super cranky. But, let me state something here for the record: this man...this man who drives me mad with fury at times, who cooks me amazing dinners, who just cannot seem to put his plate in the sink after we're finished eating said dinners, who makes me laugh harder than anyone else I know, this man is my life. He is a great father, hard worker and fabulous life partner. He pisses me off at times, but I'd be lying if I didn't ackowledge just how lucky I am to have found him. So, while I might complain about him once in a while and share things he does to get under my skin, remember how truly wonderful he is and how lost I'd be without him.

Oh, I guess I should tell you a smidge about me. I'm 31 (ACK!), love being a mom as much as it makes me want to pull off my fingernails one by one at times and will one day teach high school English. I have two degrees (BAs in English and journalism) and currently do some freelance writing and editing from home. Besides my family and writing, I love football (GO PATS!), music and...boy, I am pretty boring if that is all I can come up with.

Ah, well...until next time.